


Crossing Lines

by Practicemakesperfect



Series: Baeksoo Oneshots (/short stories/drabbles) [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Character building, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, M/M, One Shot, Relative conflict resolution, Sex is mentioned, Yixing is a good buddy, baeksoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22205245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: It was times like these that Kyungsoo remembered his place was not beside Baekhyun. This bed, and this warmth, and this moment—it was all just a temporary glimpse into a world that did not belong to him.Where Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have a questionable relationship, and Kyungsoo struggles to understand what exactly it is that he wants.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Do Kyungsoo | D.O & Zhang Yixing | Lay
Series: Baeksoo Oneshots (/short stories/drabbles) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030035
Comments: 15
Kudos: 80





	Crossing Lines

Baekhyun always got sleepy after sex, curling under the covers in a hazy contentment, eyes drifting closed. Kyungsoo was used to this post-sex nap time. Although he was also tired afterward, he could never quite allow himself to sleep. Instead, he always found himself lying beside Baekhyun in quiet reverence, eyes falling over smooth skin and fluttering lashes. Baekhyun made a small noise in the back of his throat and drew closer to Kyungsoo, a movement that made his heart swell even as it hurt.

It was times like these that Kyungsoo remembered his place was not beside Baekhyun. This bed, and this warmth, and this moment—it was all just a temporary glimpse into a world that did not belong to him.

If only. Kyungsoo felt that familiar desire to reach out and smooth his hand over Baekhyun’s hair, to press a kiss against his forehead. But things like that were too intimate for casual partners. He did nothing.

And yet, maybe from the sheer sensation of being observed, Baekhyun woke up anyway. Kyungsoo felt something in him stir when Baekhyun opened his eyes and focused on his face, a slow, sleepy smile pulling his lips. His voice, even with its slight sense of teasing, was leisured, relaxed. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“No.” Yes. In spite of himself, Kyungsoo felt his heartbeat quicken when Baekhyun reached out and tugged on the back of his neck, pulling him down in a lazy kiss. When Baekhyun finally released him he was grinning at his expression—Kyungsoo couldn’t imagine how he must look.

“Liar,” Baekhyun declared. He stretched out like a cat before settling back in the covers, but Kyungsoo knew this routine. Already he felt loss, premature but scheduled. Baekhyun would be getting up to leave soon. Kyungsoo moved the covers off of himself and more on Baekhyun, getting out of bed. He should change.

Baekhyun watched him rummage through his drawers. This was something that had taken some time to get used to: the way that Baekhyun’s eyes wandered his body, the hint of a smirk on his lips. Kyungsoo didn’t have to look to know that that was the expression he had on his face. It made him feel exposed. But it also made him feel, in some odd sort of way, appreciated. Noticed. It had always been a sort of miracle to Kyungsoo, that some way or another Baekhyun had taken notice and chosen Kyungsoo to be one of the many people he had wrapped around his finger. Although Kyungsoo knew there were others he couldn’t help but feel an ironic sort of special to know he had a place among them. He was quiet. Unassuming. People didn’t call him attractive, they called him boring. Too much of a father-like or kid-like appearance to function as a potential partner, though Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how the two made sense together enough for either to be the truth. 

If he wasn’t boring, he was unsociable. Kyungsoo was terrible at talking to people. When he didn’t know someone, he instantly quieted, instantly stiffened, instantly made the other person feel as though he didn’t want to converse. And that was probably true—it made Kyungsoo stressed to talk to most people, and anyway he always turned out to be a disappointing endeavor for the uniquely determined ones, who ultimately deemed him a lost cause by the end of a longer-than-necessary conversation.

Kyungsoo wasn’t the type of person to be chosen for anything, that was for sure, but especially not to become a potential partner, uncommitted or otherwise. And yet Baekhyun had chosen him. He was reminded of this in the after, pulling on clothes and feeling Baekhyun’s eyes on him, taking in his every move. A rare moment of importance. One that collapsed when the inevitable happened: he fumbled for his glasses on the top of the cabinet and became boring, child-like, father-like Kyungsoo again.

When Kyungsoo turned around and began picking up the dirty clothes to put in the laundry, Baekhyun laughed. “You’re so strange.”

“For doing the laundry?”

“No. It’s just funny to me.”

“Will my clothes be okay for you to use, or would you rather use Yixing’s?”

Baekhyun didn’t answer right away. When Kyungsoo turned to him, pushing up his glasses, he saw that Baekhyun was frowning. “Why? Do you want me to leave now?”

Kyungsoo looked away. “You’re always complaining about my clothes. Last time you asked Yixing for his because they looked better.”

“Not looked better,” Baekhyun corrected. “They just had actual colors.”

“Black is a color.”

“Maybe in art. Not in science.”

“Smart.”

“You avoided the question.”

“No, I don’t want you to leave now.” Kyungsoo opened the door to his room. “But you always leave early, so I don’t really feel the need for formalities anymore.”

Baekhyun considered that. “Yixing’s,” he called after him. And Kyungsoo shook his head as he closed the door behind him. Yixing, who was seated at their living room couch, looked up at the sound of his name to see his roommate look at him with tired eyes.

“I’ll get an outfit out,” Yixing said, smiling. Kyungsoo watched him go into his room.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said when Yixing came back and handed him the clothes. “He keeps—“

“—complaining about your fashion sense? I know. Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. It’s funny. I don’t mind.” Kyungsoo squinted at Yixing’s words but decided to let it slide; Baekhyun was waiting. Thanking him again, Kyungsoo gave Baekhyun the clothes and walked him out after he was done changing.

“Bye, Kyungsoo’s boyfriend!” Yixing waved from his spot on the couch.

“For the hundredth time: he’s not my boyfriend,” said Kyungsoo, even as Baekhyun gave Yixing an amused smile, saying nothing.

“Is he always going to say that every time I leave?” Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo as he walked him out of the apartment to his car.

“Knowing him, probably.”

“I like him,” Baekhyun decided. For a brief moment, Kyungsoo wondered why he hadn’t chosen him instead.

“He likes you, too.”

—

Before Baekhyun, Kyungsoo hadn’t thought he was capable of jealousy.

He couldn’t care less if he was alone, or who his friends were hanging out with, so it followed logically in his head that he wouldn’t care about who a future partner hung out with on the times they weren’t together.

Besides, he reasoned, he was a natural loner. He preferred his solitude. Jealousy was reserved for the clingy types, the types that couldn’t handle being on their own. But Kyungsoo was so independent that it made sense to him he wouldn’t get jealous.

He was such a loner, in fact, that Yixing would get worried sometimes, even taking time to invite Kyungsoo to parties just to hear him decline. He used to think that, even if by some miracle he managed to have a significant other, he would be content seeing them on their own terms and not wonder what they did when they were away.

The very moment Baekhyun stumbled into his life, that entire notion collapsed.

It was the classic party-meeting. Yixing had gotten so worried about Kyungsoo that one day he dragged him out to meet his friends at a party. But apparently Kyungsoo had underestimated where Yixing fell on the social ladder, because when they pulled up to the house he almost died.

The house was filled with people. Kyungsoo clung desperately to Yixing until the crowd inevitably dragged him away, leaving him lost in the middle of chaos.

Thank god he didn’t drink. He was pretty sure he was the most sober person in the house, but also the least belonging one out of everyone there. He squished himself into the corner of a sofa and pulled out his phone, trying to block out the noise while he waited for the party to be over.

It wouldn’t be over any time soon. But that didn’t matter.

He was about to cave and call Yixing to take him home when Baekhyun sat next to him, leaning his head against his shoulder to look at his phone. Kyungsoo jumped.

“Watcha doin’?” He was drunk, Kyungsoo remembered. His breath smelled simultaneously of juice and alcohol. Kyungsoo’s immediate instinct was to move away from the stranger, but something about his eyes made him stay. 

“Baekhyun.” A woman came up to them and tried to get his attention. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

Upstairs. Kyungsoo assumed it wasn’t for anything pure. Baekhyun clung to his side more. “But I like him,” he said, and Kyungsoo froze for a moment before he relaxed. “Like” was a loose term for some. Baekhyun seemed the type.

The woman tried for a bit to coax Baekhyun away, but eventually she left and it was just Baekhyun, drunkly talking in his ear.

He was stunning. Kyungsoo couldn’t ignore the magnetic nature of the man, sharp eyes and sly smile. Mischievous. He knew he was someone people sought after; it was impossible for Baekhyun to be anything less. His entire image screamed popular to Kyungsoo. Wanted. On any average day, Kyungsoo would steer clear of those types, and they would steer clear of him. Of course the only time he would attract someone like Baekhyun would be when that someone was drunk—it would be impossible any other way.

His voice was enticing in his ear. Baekhyun maneuvered his way skillfully past Kyungsoo’s boundaries, fingers dancing on his thigh, mouth touching the skin of his neck. All the while he was talking, saying something about how he’s never seen him around before, and all of the things you say when you want someone to come with you, and Kyungsoo knew it, but when Baekhyun finally asked if he wanted to go to a room with him he didn’t say no.

The night was a blur. Kyungsoo knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing this, undressing for a man he barely knew. He wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t stupid, but there he was in a room with a stranger, a sober acting drunk.

“You’re different from what I’m used to,” Baekhyun had said in that moment of insanity, pulling Kyungsoo’s shirt over his head. It was Kyungsoo’s first touch of jealousy, sudden and laughable in its absurdity. Jealous, for what? They had just met. He had no reason to be jealous for a man he barely knew, and much less for a man he knew probably did this on the daily. And yet, it didn’t change the slight coil in his stomach at the reminder, the hint of bitterness on his tongue.

Baekhyun was his first. Since then, his only. The next morning, he woke up to the sheets empty, a hundred missed calls from Yixing, and a slip of paper that spelt Kyungsoo’s doom.

The next time they met, things weren’t so formal. Baekhyun knew why he’d contacted again, knew why he had said yes to his proposal. _Let’s keep in touch._ To Baekhyun—Kyungsoo was sure—this instant compliance was something he was used to. He came over one day that Yixing was out and it was enough. Kyungsoo was hooked.

“You’re cute,” Baekhyun would say. Sometimes they would talk while Kyungsoo touched him; he would complain about the other people he spent time with, how they were clingy and stifling, how he liked Kyungsoo’s quiet way of being. “You never ask for me,” Baekhyun once said. “I ask for you. If you did ask, though, I think at this point you’ve not-asked enough that I wouldn’t even mind.”

The constant reminder of his role beside Baekhyun made it blatantly apparent that Kyungsoo would never ask, even if Baekhyun said it was fine. He was okay with waiting on him. He didn’t belong to Kyungsoo; they didn’t belong to each other. But Kyungsoo wholeheartedly felt that he was Baekhyun’s. In some stupid, delusional way, he gave all of himself to Baekhyun and looked for no one else. He knew Baekhyun didn’t care about him in the same way. He knew he was just a means to satiate his desires, whatever they may be, and he was okay with that. Baekhyun was never meant to be his. But he could have his way with Kyungsoo until he was tired of him and left, and Kyungsoo would let him.  
—

When Kyungsoo returned to the apartment, Yixing was still on the couch. He patted at the seat next to him until Kyungsoo finally sighed and took off his shoes, going to sit.

“You okay?” Yixing’s brow was furrowed with worry. Kyungsoo never knew how Yixing noticed things so easily, but he was the kind of guy who just looked and knew instantly what you were feeling. Kyungsoo shrugged. Yixing said, “It’s about Baekhyun.”

“Mm.” Noncommittal. “It’s fine. I think I just need sleep.”

“You two didn’t sleep? You were in your room for a while.” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows in response and Yixing coughed. “Okay, yeah. But you were in there for a really long time.”

“Baekhyun slept.”

Yixing nodded. Kyungsoo didn’t mention himself. “Not dating,” Yixing mused. “But still spending all this time.”

“Not everyone is like you, Yixing. Commitment isn’t everything to everyone.”

“You’re talking about Baekhyun again. But what about you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You matter. What about you?”

“I’m not looking for commitment.” A truth and a lie. Kyungsoo was reminded of that saying, something about half-truths being just as fake as lies. But he believed it. He was okay with this. He was okay with the way things were.

Yixing didn’t say anything for a moment. And then he said, “You’ve never been with anyone else.”

Commitment was a two-way street. Kyungsoo didn’t reply.  
—

“Tell me why you said yes.” Baekhyun was in his bed again, lying naked under the sheets. His words were a clear order, not a question, and Kyungsoo complied. This had been, after all, one of those rare moments where Kyungsoo thought Baekhyun might stay. Anything he could do to bring that hope closer to reality he would.

“I don’t know” had been his answer. And then, because he felt it wasn’t enough: “Why do you think people say yes?”

Baekhyun thought on that for a moment. But his gaze betrayed the fact that he already had his answer. He tilted his head where it rested on the bed and gave Kyungsoo his beautiful smile. “Because I’m charming?”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

Baekhyun pouted. “Why do you sound like a teacher all of a sudden?”

Kyungsoo ignored the jab, and the flip of his stomach at Baekhyun’s expression. “Well?”

“A question,” Baekhyun decided. His teasing smile was back. “Am I charming, Teacher Doh?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Oh, come on! I want to hear it from you!” When Kyungsoo didn’t answer, Baekhyun threw in another one of his deals: “If you tell me I’m charming, I’ll suck you off.”

“Shut up.” Baekhyun grinned at the red that tinted Kyungsoo’s ears, waiting. Finally, Kyungsoo said, “you’re charming.”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” Baekhyun said, and disappeared under the covers.  
—

Kyungsoo returned to his bed, exhausted. It was still too early to sleep, but he was tired, and he wouldn’t get anything done without taking a nap. He curled up in the sheets, the scent of Baekhyun lingering. He’d been over enough times for Kyungsoo to be able to see him everywhere in his room, to feel him missing so strongly that it felt like something had been taken away. 

He was tired. Kyungsoo closed his eyes and slept.

When he next woke, it was to a text from Baekhyun.

 _Baekhyun: hey, are you home?  
Me: Yes.  
Baekhyun: mind if I come over?_  
—

Kyungsoo had never really understood what he felt for Baekhyun. He thought of him a lot more than he wanted to, imagined things, but in the end dreams were dreams and this was reality, Kyungsoo grasping at straws. 

He loved him.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not when things were like this. Especially not when things were like this. Kyungsoo wasn’t good enough for someone like Baekhyun. He never would be. And yet...

Kyungsoo had made it a rule to never initiate a kiss with Baekhyun. He never touched him more than was required of their relationship, never gave hugs or reached out to ask him to stay. It was always Baekhyun taking, teasing him with that cheap affection Kyungsoo was sure he gave everyone else he used. He couldn’t love him. He couldn’t love him because he hated him too much, hated the way he took so easily from Kyungsoo, the way his gaze looked after they’d had sex, the way he said sweet things and smiled in his secret way, the way he never denied it when Yixing called him Kyungsoo’s boyfriend—Kyungsoo couldn’t understand him so he hated him.

There was a fine line between love and hate, Kyungsoo had heard. He supposed with Baekhyun, that was true.  
—

_Baekhyun: mind if I come over?  
Me: When?_

Kyungsoo wasn’t unaccustomed to late-night visits. Baekhyun was a night owl at heart, always up while everyone else was asleep, and he had a habit of showing up at Kyungsoo’s door in the middle of the night to satisfy his needs. What he _wasn’t_ accustomed to was, upon opening the door, Baekhyun throwing his arms over his shoulders in a hug.

Kyungsoo stumbled back in surprise, hands instantly going to Baekhyun’s waist to stabilize him. He could feel Baekhyun’s eyelashes against his neck. “Baekhyun—?”

“Mm.” Baekhyun pushed his lips against the skin of Kyungsoo’s neck. “Don’t talk. Just fuck me.”

An order. Baekhyun pulled away and, kicking the front door shut behind him, kissed Kyungsoo hard on the lips, pushing him towards his room. Kyungsoo wasn’t even thinking about sex as Baekhyun kissed him into his bed, tugging on his sweatpants. He was just thinking about how he couldn’t see him in the dark like this, how something felt off.

Maybe he was paranoid. It seemed like Baekhyun had been hiding his face.

He knew he had to stop things when he felt the tear fall on his cheek. Kyungsoo sat up, forcing Baekhyun to sit back. Baekhyun was still reaching for him. Kyungsoo had to hold his hands to keep him away.

“Baekhyun.”

No answer. In the darkness of his room, Kyungsoo could see Baekhyun start to tremble. 

“Hey.”

Baekhyun still wasn’t saying anything. It seemed like ages before he pulled his hands away, moving to stand up. And if it were any other day, Kyungsoo would have let him go. But this time, for the first time, he reached out and grabbed Baekhyun’s hand. 

“What’s wrong?”

Just a simple question, but it was enough. Baekhyun broke.  
—

There were times when Baekhyun had been distant. Sometimes, when they were having sex, his gaze would be focused somewhere else, away from the moment. Kyungsoo knew he was thinking about something he didn’t want to share. He never asked what. But it bothered him every time Baekhyun got that glazed look in his eyes, not present. 

It always made Kyungsoo want to stop. Those moments became rare periods of guilt for Kyungsoo—suddenly, it felt as though he was the one using Baekhyun. But Baekhyun never said anything. And he was always the one who asked to meet to begin with. Kyungsoo felt it wasn’t his place to question what he wanted.

He always looked empty during those times. But the few occasions where Kyungsoo caved and asked if he was okay, Baekhyun would only smile and assure him he was fine.

“You worry too much,” he would say, a spark of warmth in his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

Kyungsoo had always thought that was an impossible order to follow.  
—

Baekhyun was crying.

Kyungsoo tugged at Baekhyun’s hand as the tears gathered in his eyes, pulling him into his arms. He was a sobbing mess pressed against his chest, clinging to him as if he were afraid Kyungsoo would let go if he wasn’t holding on, forcing him to stay.

“Shh... it’s okay. It’s okay.” I’m here. Kyungsoo pressed a kiss to the top of Baekhyun’s head, a whisper of a touch that seemed to soothe him. He held him tight. I won’t leave you.

This was an unfamiliar feeling. As much as they had touched since that first night, Kyungsoo wasn’t used to holding Baekhyun like this, cradling him so gently. Kyungsoo rocked them slowly in a calming movement, repeating over and over again “shh” as Baekhyun whimpered against his chest.

When the tears finally subsided, neither moved away. Baekhyun sniffled against his shirt and buried his face into his arm, still clinging to him. “Kyungsoo,” he said, and Kyungsoo hummed in response. The question came out hesitantly: “Do you hate me?”

“Why would I?”

“You know why.” When Kyungsoo said nothing, he said, “I don’t know. But do you?”

Kyungsoo wondered why he was asking. He wondered why he cared. “I don’t,” Kyungsoo lied. It felt like the truth.

“Liar,” Baekhyun said quietly. Then: “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because. I’m using you.”

That caught Kyungsoo off-guard. After all this time, he hadn’t thought that Baekhyun genuinely thought Kyungsoo didn’t know. And yet here he was, confessing like it was a secret he didn’t want to share. Kyungsoo managed, “So?”

“So...” Baekhyun faltered. “You don’t deserve that.”

Kyungsoo’s voice softened. “Whether or not anyone deserved anything has never changed what they got.”

“Still.”

“I knew already. I chose to stay even though I knew. Don’t feel sorry.” He couldn’t stand the look on Baekhyun’s face. He changed the subject. “This isn’t what you were crying about.”

“No,” Baekhyun agreed. He examined Kyungsoo. “Are you going to ask me about it?”

“You’d tell me if you wanted me to know.”

And there it was, that smile Kyungsoo had missed. Bright and beautiful and radiant and gone in another second when Baekhyun said seriously, “I don’t want to tell you.”

“I know.”

“It’s personal.”

“That’s okay.”

“Maybe one day.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t tear his eyes away from Baekhyun’s. Something there made him want to hope. He wasn’t sure why; he knew Baekhyun didn’t feel the same, and even _Kyungsoo_ probably didn’t feel what he thought he felt in that moment. But he still felt a need to say it and so he said plainly, “I love you.”

“Then kiss me.”

So he did, hand coming up to cup the side of Baekhyun’s face, thumb swiping at the tears that had slid down his cheeks. He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Baekhyun’s, not leisurely and uncaring or fast and hard with passion but slow and reassuring, though who he was trying to comfort between the two of them he wasn’t sure.

Baekhyun closed his eyes against him, melting into the kiss, hand coming up to cover Kyungsoo’s own. Again, like always, Kyungsoo was struck by his beauty, the remnants of tears on his lashes and the reflection of the moonlight on his skin. He knew he was kissing him in that same way he’d promised never to kiss him, but this was Baekhyun and their entire relationship was based on a lack of reservation, a lack of plan. Maybe there wasn’t any commitment. But there were no repercussions either, just a feeling and the desire to act on it.

They pulled away and Kyungsoo acted again without thought. The words that had been in Kyungsoo’s head since they’d met slipped out, and he said what he’d been thinking, that Baekhyun was beautiful.

Baekhyun’s smile was almost sad. “You can’t be in love with me.”

Maybe not, but still. “Why?”

“You’re too nice.” Baekhyun leaned forward to bite at his neck. “Call me hot. Or sexy. Then you can love me.”

“That isn’t love.”

“Too nice,” he repeated. There was a pause, and then he said, “I don’t love you.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo answered. His chest hurt.

“But I think I could. I think if it were you, I could.”

“Then try.” It was too demanding. Kyungsoo felt himself wince at his words, too needy and wanting, but he couldn’t take them back.

I want to know you.

Baekhyun ghosted his lips over Kyungsoo’s, and said softly, reassuringly, “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
